A message from my Mother

I found this journal entry my mother had wrote the day before she had me. I am so grateful for things like this. I don't remember much of my childhood and so it is so neat to read entries from that time. Plus my mom has struggles with sever depression and anxiety for a few years now and has finally come out of it. It has been a hard, wonderful miracle to watch her journey. She is a light in my life and a great hero of mine. I hope you enjoy her writings as I did.

July 23, 1984    

  I had a busy morning washing and sterilizing sheets & towels & washcloths and all the baby things.  It carried on into afternoon.

Kevin & Leejean, Stephanie, and David went late in the morning and helped get the 70's Quorum float ready for the 24th of July parade tomorrow morning.  Mark is with Grandpa and Grandma Dalton at Bliss.  I talked to Dad tonight and I understood that Barry brought Scotty back with him from Boise when he went up there to date a girl.  So the two boys have been having a gay old time at Grandpa's and Grandma's farm.

Derrick stayed home with me and after he got over his grumpies for having to do so he layed down in the middle of our waterbed and went to sleep.

At about one o'clock Lila came over with her two little girls.  Lila is the wife of one of the men that works for Bob Whitby on his dairy.  They are renting the trailer house just in front and to the side of us.  It is Andreason's trailer and they moved in about a week and a half ago.  She is just twenty, a white girl.  Her husband is from El Salvador.  They have the two little girls and a premature baby boy.  The baby lost weight and had some other problems.  They took him to the hospital in Twin Falls and left him there. 

She came over earlier today to use the phone and find out how he was doing.  She told me before that she was trying to stop smoking but still had to sneak a few so today after she went home she told Stephanie as she was leaving to ask me to come to her house.  I did and she asked me to go to town and buy her some cigarettes.  I didn't tell her no right away.  I suggested that we go into her bedroom and pray.  This we did and I asked Heavenly Father to give her the strength and courage to stop smoking.  After the prayer I told her I would take her to town to buy the cigarettes.  On our way I passed Kevin and the kids coming home.

When I got back I was going to fix a late lunch but Mary Ann had fixed a sandwich for the decoraters of the float so I went to take a nap.  When I got up as I was fixing myself something to eat I started loosing water.  I decided my contractions I was having instead of sleeping must truly be labor.  More water kept coming so I tried to call my midwife helper, Janet Bingham.  I got in touch with her and she said she would get her things together and come.  It was 6 o'clock,  The contractions weren't coming very often so I decided to start walking.  Kevin saddled Gray Boy and led him around. The kids were real excited and anxious for something else to happen.  It didn't but Kevin and I walked together on the road in front of our house.

 The sky was so beautiful with a summer sunset happening.  The colors were soft pink and baby blue and I just knew this was a sign in the heavens for me that others knew our special little baby was about to be born. This was Heavenly Father's way of showing me peace and majesty and tomorrow we would celebrate the pioneers and a birthday.

Walking down below I feel anxious. I wonder what will happen.  When I look up at the sky I feel a message coming down to me, a message of beautiful peace and hopeful expectations.  I don't know if my baby will be a girl or a boy.  That is why God put both colors in the sky.  My midwife should be here soon.

Good Things to Come

This wonderful video hits home to me in so many ways, as I'm sure it does to all of us. Someone once told me, "Treat everyone like they are going through the hardest trial of their life and chances are, you're probably right." We are all in the midst of trial. That is really why I believe we are here on this earth; to learn and to grow. How do we grow without experiencing things? There is an opposite to everything. A positive and and a negative. If there's good in the world there is bad also. The beautiful part about this is the bad makes the good that much better, sweeter, greater in every way. There is so much good to come. We never know when we are on the very edge of our trial and something good is about to happen. This video gives me hope to KEEP GOING. There's Good things to come!

Being married to a comedian Part 1

People ask me all the time how I do it, being married to a comedian. I figured it was time to answer some of those questions… We have had rocky roads in this journey. As some of you may or may not know the trails of the journey almost cost us our marriage. But we decided we didn't want to be a statistic and we had something worth saving. So now here we are with a picture perfect life…Haha ya right! We have to work everyday at it. For a long time I didn't know how to answer this question of "How do you do it?" I just did it. And then I realized the things that I have learned to do are so valuable and people can use them in any walk of life. It's not that I have a magic answer but I do have answers, starting with this one.  I have several tools that I use to cope with my husband being gone and myself being lonely, doing both parent's roles, and progressing in life physically, emotional, spiritually etc. I have valuable things I do everyday. But that doesn't mean there aren't hard days. Today, is one of those days. My wonderful mentor told me that we have to keep doing the little things everyday that keep us on the right road, getting closer to our destination, but that when we get discouraged that things aren't happening as fast as we'd like we have to consider the residual baggage we have built up over time. If I've spent most of my life being negative and then switched it just a few years ago to expect I won't have bad creep up is silly. I have years of negative thoughts stored in my head. So does that mean that you give up? Absolutely not. The bad does eventually flush out as I keep getting negative thoughts out of my head and replacing them with positive. The residual starts to change. I love this analogy. And that is one of the first tools I use in dealing with hard, less than ideal times. I release the negative. I actually do this by writing my negative thoughts in a black journal, separate from my color journal where positive entries go. You see I'm not immune to hard times and it's not always easy for my husband to be away, but I have used this tool and many others and it makes me love life even more. Because if I can get negative thoughts out of my head, then positive thoughts can actually enter and have a place and not get pushed out of the way because my head is overflowing with negative. You see 80% of the thoughts we think are negative. 80%!!! And they are just sitting it your brain. Get em out. Get em gone. it will make a difference.

Alright...Alright...

So I think we've all experienced people giving their opinions on what we should or shouldn't do in life. Well I'm no different but usually I wait until suggestions come 5 different times from different people. I keep getting asked how I am able to do what I do in being married to a comedian. Well on a nutshell, communication is the answer. That and great family and friends. But seriously. We can do what we do and live like we live because we communicate about EVERYTHING. So here you have it. I'm going to do some study and prayer on what angle to take this but I think I will go into more depths about my life as a comedian's wife. Any feedback on topics you'd like to hear about etc let me know. I'd be happy to answer questions for you. Life is what we choose to make it. Live to love, Love to Live! 

Meeting new people

Today I decided to do something different and out of my comfort zone. My husband Heath, and I went to the mall to talk to random strangers about random things. I know silly right? This is not something that just comes natural to me. But I did it today! In an organic way I started a conversation with two people at the mall. Maybe not a huge accomplishment to some but for me it's huge progress towards loving people more. I want to get to know people; who they are, where try come from; Whatever walk of life. And not to try and mentor them though everyone needs a mentor, but just to give them a minute where life is about them. I accomplished that today. These are my action steps for next time so that I can keep progressing in this venture: start with a compliment, ask them something about themselves, and make sure I get their name. 

Here's my story…in a very small nutshell.

I LOVE my life! It is an absolute blessing. I can say that because it wasn't always the case. My husband and I have been married for 10 years! He is the ABSOLUTE love of my life. But there was a time I hated him. But what's harder than that is there was a time I felt absolutely nothing for him or anyone else really besides my children. I was numb. Our marriage had almost crumbled because of infidelity on both sides. I don't tell you this to gain sympathy or open myself up for judgement and ridicule. I tell you because my husband and I, and family for that matter, are a wonderful success story. We decided to dedicate our lives to the Lord and to each other, all be it a little late, our story is truly a miracle. I know many of you are probably wondering how we made it? It's honestly unheard of in today's society right? We decided divorce was NOT an option and we committed to change and let powers beyond this world take over in the healing process. We committed to change. Change is such a gift. This amazingly terrible journey and the change I have, and continue to experience has helped me to become a better person. I feel everyday now. I know what it's like to live in a world where you feel like an outsider looking in on your body. As if someone else is living your life, and with that becomes an absence of pain and heartache but also love and joy. I choose to feel everyday now. I choose to love and to lean on my higher power, always understanding I am human; an imperfect individual constantly needing forgiveness and to forgive others. Our mission now is to change the world, which I know sounds like a Mission: Impossible, but I have tools to help others find hope, healing, and freedom. I've done it and choose to continue doing it and now it is time for me to help others. In whatever capacity they need it. The only thing necessary is and open mind and a willing heart. Change is possible. It is a gift. I love the life I have now and the blessings of my wonderful family. My wonderful children are a beacon of light. I hope to emulate that light to others on your journey, however dark and times, you can create your own light along the way. Live to love; Love to live.

Another note

I promise to be updating my blog soon with my story etc. I haven't had my computer for a couple days and I can't edit my profile from my phone. At least I don't know how to. It's coming though. And it may surprise some of you!! Stay tuned.....

Love

I learned some amazing things yesterday about Love and the Atonement. This is technically my Sunday post so it will be a spiritual one. The Atonement, Christ suffering for our sins, is many things. It is Forgiveness, Love, Empathy, Charity, Sacrafice, and the carrying out of the Plan of Salvation. I have a great message. I know this message is great. But am I always sharing my great message? No. I will admit it that I worry what people will think of me. Not on a sense that I want everyone to like me but more in the sense that I don't want to hear that people don't like me. This was profound to me today and I choose to be different. I will boldly share my message of hope healing and freedom everywhere I go! Not because it's easy, nor because I want attention etc. I share it because I have received my own personal revelation that I should and that I need to be unstoppable with my message. Isiah 50: 5-7, The Lord hath opened mine ear and I was neither rebellious, not turned away back.

I have my back to the smiters,  and my checks to them that plucked off the hair: I hid not my face from shame, and from spitting. 

For The Lord God will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed. 

This is what I think of when I think unstoppable. Being so clear that nothing will shake you away from what you are meant to do. You just have to decide, "Yes! I will be that way!" My decision is made. I know my purpose and as I build my identity that purpose is fulfilled. 

So how do I build my identity? Well the simple truth is to start by loving people. I heard a quote one time by a man named David Stirling, he said, "treat everyone like they are going through the biggest trial of their life and chances are, you're probably right." 

Love is kindness, patience, understanding, forgiveness, selflessness, charity. Sounds a lot like the Atonement to me. I choose to love others. I am not perfect but the choices I make today are to love the people and be unstoppable!! Who's with me?! 

On a somewhat different not I'm posting a picture of something I love! My children cuddled up with their little cousin watching a movie. My heart felt so warm watching them do this last night. There was so much love captured in this moment. Thank you for letting me share. And as always, love to live, live to love! 

Coming Back!

Ok so it has been a REALLY long time since I have posted anything. My life has been dramatically changing and I've just decided i have a lot to say. But where do I even start. I feel like my battle of where so start is like trying to get caught up on years of scrapbooking or journal writing. So instead of going way way back I'm just going to start writing about the future and what I choose for it. I choose to have an incredible future where things in my life happen and they happen for the very best. Where I wake up every morning so grateful to have another day to live and laugh. Another day to find hope, healing and freedom. This blog started as a way to deal with so much pain and repentance after coming out of such a traffic experience with my relationship with my husband. On the brink of divorce we chose to fight for our love, our life. We continue that fight everyday. I am greater now because of my trial. I know who I am an where I'm going. I'm excited for my journey and so happy to take you all along with me. Live to love, love to live! And laugh all along the way! Here's is my freedom pose taken inside of H&M this evening. Yes I got weird looks but it raised my energy and when my energy is high I'm a beacon of light to those around me. I have a feeling you are too. Perhaps it's time to raise your energy, what do you think? I'm finding If I raise my energy by raising my body language even for a second I feel more powerful. Thank you for taking the time to follow my journey. There will be so much more to come. I will write all about the details of my story in my about me section. It's my prayer to connect on whatever level I can with those open to change an finding hope healing and freedom in their lives. I pray that is you. Thank you!!

Mollie