Tuesday, December 29, 2015

I miss him terribly tonight. It's like clock work. As the sun goes down and our home with it my heart sinks and I sit and wonder, "What is he doing right now?" For anyone who has to be away from their spouse for any amount of time, I'm sure you can relate. I look at my life and I have been so abundantly blessed...completely wonderful, perfectly healthy children, a home, though small and simple it stands as a powerful foundation for us and our journey. And a husband who, as much as I know about love, loves me. We have been through hell he and I. We've lived to tell the tale though sometimes it's a hard one for people to hear. Don't get me wrong I do love to share it when appropriate, but it is a tale of lies and deceit, or terrible betrayal and heartache. But we stand strong now, today. Forgiveness is the most powerful gift I am grateful to know about, and nights like tonight I am even more grateful to have fought the fight, to have the man of my dreams and know that he will come home to me. I will see him soon. He is not gone forever, just living his dream, providing for his family, taking care of us. I'm grateful for him and all he is and sometimes that itself makes the pain and loneliness I feel with his absence even more intense. But I welcome it. Because to feel any emotion is better than being numb. I state I have known in my life all too well. That's really all I have to say tonight. I don't worry too much about it being politically correct or anything like that because no one reads this anyway. But I am grateful to have a place to express my emotions, however jumbled. Goodnight.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

I feel inspire to share with you today some insights I've had in the last few days…People are seeking perfection in such an imperfect world. They know they can;t achieve it but it doesn't stop them from beating themselves up at the end of the day when there's still dirty dishes in the sink, kid unbathed or maybe that business call you "should've" made. I've decided, let's just let it go. Doing something as simple as removing I should've, I could've and I wish out of your vocabulary and just replacing it with the phrase, "Next time I'll…" send a whole different energy towards what you "should" be doing. This is a silly example but it was powerful for me. For two days I needed to shave my legs when going to the shower. The first day I said, "Shoot I should've brought my razor into the shower with me." The next day, I forgot it aging. That day I said to myself, "Next time I will bring my razor into the shower with me." The next day, before I hopped into the shower I remembered to grab my razor. Now you might say, "Well ya you did, you forgot it two days in a row…" Though that is true anyone who knows me knows two days of forgetting something doesn't mean I'll remember it on the third. The reason I remembered is because there was not a negative thought about myself attached to me forgetting my razor, "again"! Because I said, "Next time," instead of "I should've", I didn't feel like I was messing up again in my life on something so simple but yet just stacks on top of other things and boom, you feel like a failure. No instead it was just another everyday activity and remembering my razor had nothing to do with how good of a wife I was, or mother, or person. How many of you can relate to this? Something seeming so trivial leading to you doubting your abilities to do anything right? Well you can call me crazy all you want, but next time you feel like using the phrases, "I should've, I could've or I wish," try instead to use, "Next time" and just see how your day goes.It's such a simple ingredient to a successful, more positive day. That's all for now. Love you guys!!